Things have been going. I had taken the past few days to get the painting done. Everything seems to be a priority. Nothing seems less important than the other. It all is important. This morning things seems on track. And they are. But there are moments. Moments that seem to be an inititation of sorts. I talk to other small business owners and they laugh and commiserate with me. This morning I felt together. I felt strong despite a lot of emotional turmoil from the past few days. I got a call from the building inspector. My papers were ready. Great! I take that over to the business license place and another thing to check off. Easy peasy. No. After 2 hours of waiting I get in and he tells me things I have to fix or prove and take care of. Like my security system, my fire alarm system, my exit signs, some lit, some not, a diagram of parking, what I will do about parking if I have an event, and that I might need to get an electrical contractor out there to check things. Sigh.... So I review what I need to do before I come back to him. Somethings HAVE to be done, some don't, they are suggestions. Which are which? Not very clear on that either. From what I can tell a diagram of smoke detectors, exit signs and a diagram of all the security system strobes should be it, then they will issue me the certificate of occupency and fire code certificate. Then I can get my business license. So I need money for all this, right? Right. And I should use my new business account right? Right. And I did what I was supposed to do and filed my corporation papers weeks ago. Papers the bank needs to have for a business account. Online it shows up all legit. Great. But they have not mailed me my paperwork yet. And so I can't deposit the check made out to the gallery which gives me money. Oh, and they are going to hold my funds for 5 days once I do deposit it. Nice they already told me that, right? At least I am prepared. But it is money I need to call the security sytem company and get everything set up. Which I need to show to the building inspector to get my C.O. Which I need to get the fired code done, which I need to get the business license...do you get the picture? Yeah, fun. So I had my momentary break down and for a split second was ready to go put my application at Target in. But then I remember that none of what I am going through is out of the ordinary. It is all necessary. And most of it is not within my control. And, most importantly I am choosing to do all of this. I am creating the life I want moment by moment. And it is not easy, but then should it be? Aren't things we really truly want hard work? I need to trust that this is what I am meant to be doing. And when I get to the point that everything is close to how I want it, there will be a moment. Such a moment of satisfaction and pride. I guess because I can see it all so clearly it is frustrating to not be able to make it happen as quickly as I would like. I just realized today that I began this all Jan 6th. That was the day I called my now landlord. Barely a month ago I put all this in motion. I guess what I need to do is have some patience. I am one person. I am doing a pretty good job and it is hard work. And if I could just slow down and trust that this is all happening as it should because I KNOW I am meant to be doing this, it will all be ok. So now I really have to slow down and do a portrait for a commission for Valentine's day. The great thing about what I do, no matter what, you have to take time and allow the paint to dry. Off to do what I love most in the world. Paint.

So when you ask my kids, "Where will mommy be when Sophie goes to college?" They both answer in unison: "The beach!" Anyone who knows me knows I have a um, slight, er, obsession with the beach. I would live there year round if I could. I don't just want to live near a beach, I want to live on the beach. Ya know, one of those amazing houses with three floors with my studio on the top floor with a windows walk and lots of light and where the whole family comes up all summer long and you have at least three generations at a time there. Where you have a wrap around deck that you all sit on in the evening sipping a glass of wine watching the kids run around on the sand below while you watch the sun set and talk late into the night to the lovely scent of salt water wafting in the air... not that I have thought about it at all. Uh, no. Not too much. So anyway, I figure I have 10 years to get my life to the point that I can afford to send both my kids to college AND buy my beach house. Cause ya know, how cool would it be for my kids to say, "Hey man, why don't you come to my house for spring break, my mom has this killer beach house!" What? Artists are known for their vivid imaginations. And you have to visualize to make it happen, people. So anyway. This amazing dream of mine happening now is all part of the plan. The beginning. And I am in love with this house y'all. In. Love. It is quirky and tilty and so old. And I love it. And it loves me, I can tell. This house has been waiting for me to come in and paint it beach house colors. Bright, happy colors. I swear last night when I finished the hallway it sighed in deep contentment. (see? back on the meds!) I still have the kitchen and bathroom, but I will leave that until last. The walls in those rooms are a nice taupe color and in nice shape. So when everything else is done I will paint those. But now this lady needs to get furniture in there and art on the walls. And enjoy my beach house in Decatur. I took these pics last night at 6pm. It was just dark outside and the house was so warm and cozy and the colors were just so happy. Have a look, don't you hear my house sighing a nice happy sigh? Yeah, you hear it to. Admit it.

The pink and the green room got done today thanks to my awesome friend, Maggie. She totally rocks. Not only did she help me finish two rooms up in one day, she also entertained me by singing and talking about random subjects. Maggie, girl, you certainly make sure there is no boredom. But then, that is pretty normal for us as whenever she comes over to watch a movie we end up just talking for hours. Aren't friends like that great?

So all I have left that I really want to paint is the hallway. It is very large and will be used as a third gallery space. After that I just need to touch up porch railings and various wall trim and window panes. Then I just have to get furniture. Then I need to get the art on the walls. Then I need to get displays up for the other types of retail. What kind you ask? Well, you will just have to wait and see. Cause most of it I really don't know yet. I do, but most of it is in my head, and one thing at a time, people. Oh yeah aand open the bank account so I can have access to money and all. Hello, secretary of state, would y'all mind getting on my paperwork and making me all official so the bank takes me seriously and lets me deposit a big ol' check into your institution to get to money I really could use right about now... Yeah. Right. Just paid all my bills and all and need to buy stuff. And so I have all this business-y stuff to do still and wouldn't ya know that all I want to do is paint my little heart out with acrylic and canvas and get every idea in my head out. I'm dyin' here! So much to do and while I know I have to be patient and do it in the right order I feel so completely excited that soon I will have all this space to work in! And create! Art! No more living room, oh who am I kidding, ottoman studio late at night, no more office right next to my bed. No more filing my jobs all over the bed. No more drafting table to catch my hip on everytime I leave the bedroom. So excited!!! And terrified. Just, ya know, to give it all perspective, I am having not just daily, but perhaps hourly panic attacks. I call up a friend when they occur and say, "What the hell? How did you let me do this?? Why did you let me stop taking my meds???" (just kidding, it's a joke, I use alcohol to cope, not meds people. sheesh.) Luckily they all seem to say the same thing. That I will do great, and this is a good idea. Either they all think that, or there is a big ol' plot against me and all my friends want to see me fall on my face. But I doubt it. Most of my panic attack friends don't even know each other. Which will make the grand opeing so much fun. Cause so many of them will be there. So cool. Ok, it is late, and I need to go to bed. I have a hallway to paint in the morning.

Getting to create some new and fun things...

This weekend I had to decompress. After spending the past 7 days painting walls I needed to just hole up in my cozy apartment and paint for me. I painted a bunch of sweet little paintings that made me smile. Can't wait to get them matted and framed. Believe it or not I am ALMOST ready to hang the art!