I am sitting here with hair color on my head as I wait the prescibed 25 minutes. Let this be a warning to all the youngsters out there contemplating coloring your hair, once you start, you CANNOT stop! It is not an addition, no, it is just that you will never EVER find the natural color of your hair in a bottle EVER again. Well, not for under $10 anyway. Sure, if you want to be one of those FANCY people that goes and GETS your hair done by, what's it called again? A stylist? I think that is who my sister BEGS me to go to, but I am cheap. CHEAP. Or is it poor? I forget which one. I am scared that once I am making good money I will discover that I am actually cheap. Thrifty? Eh. Whatever. I pluck myself, I color myself and when I do get my hair cut it is at one of those Clip-O-Rama places that charge $15 for a cut. I always just get a trim. I am not sure if it is because I have no style, my hair is pretty much stick straight any anything sort of stylish requires way more time int he bathroom than I care to be in there, or I just hate salons. I have this fear that one day I am going to get snatched off the road by a team from Oprah's show. Sadly it will not be for the show, "Women who stubbornly kept at their dreams despite all the odds and over due bills!" but for "Fashion disasters! Can this woman be helped??? She has been wearing her hair the same way since high school!" Yeah, it could happen. But still, I would be on Oprah and would certainly, and very cleverly begin talking about my art and BAM! Overnite sensation! No? Just in my head again? Sigh....

So anyway, in, um, let me check, 15 more minutes I will be Golden Brown, Sunset Brown? No, that doesn't make sense, sunsets are not brown, perhaps Cinnamon Brown. Yeah, that sounds right. I will be all spicy brown with no dark roots very very soon. Yay me.

i am also packing to leave for Savannah as soon as Best Boyfriend Ever returns from work. I have a 4 day conference there with work on marketing and pr or something or other. Cause really? FREE trip to Savannah! Not only does this place pay me every two weeks REGUARLY, but they send me places, COOL places, for FREE! Do all you freelancing types know about these things? Really, the perks are nice. Now, I have no intention of staying in cubicleville forever, but for now? Gotta say, not too shabby. (And yes, I know that I have to tell the story of how this all happened, as I am sure many of you smartypants have figured out that I am 9-5-ing it right now and are all, 'What the HELL? She hates corporate America!' Well, yes, I do. But I really, REALLY needed a new car and well, a bunch of art projects and wonderfullness going on with my art don't make me any money right now. Oh, the irony...But soon I will tell that story, but not today.)

Ok, time is almost up. And I am going to leave you with The Magic Fez-Wearing Sock Monkey. (See what happens when I have free time? All you have to do is look at the Magic Fez-Wearing Sock Monkey and ask him what you should do. Like this: "Magic Fez-Wearing Sock Monkey, should I try to write a novel?" or "Magic Fez-Wearing Sock Monkey, should I try to find an agent for my illustration work?" or "Magic Fez-Wearing Sock Monkey, should I get my nose pierced?" And he will reply. Cause everyone, I repeat EVERYONE needs a Magic Fez-Wearing Sock Monkey to egg them on. Feel free to click below and download the bigger version to use as your desktop pattern - c'mon, it would be so funny!

Ok, so yesterday right after i finished a meeting I declared out loud, "Look! This is totally the polar bear on the bathroom floor! See?" I proudly showed everyone my doodle. True, I also rendered a room full of designers speechless as they were trying to comprehend what the HELL I was talking about. I looked at them and said, "Oh, and um, yeah. I did get that poster off to the printer's today." Realizing that maybe my giddyness at capturing the polar bear perfectly in a doodle was probably NOT what I was supposed to be working on during the meeting, I got quiet. But then my boss said, "Um, what now, you see what, WHERE?" Well, she ASKED, people, so now I HAD to explain. So I excitedly began, "In the bathroom! there's a tile that looks just like it has a polar bear on it! The tile actually repeats and I haven't finished finding them all, but every day, 'Bam!' There it is!" and I smiled nice and big to clearly illustrate the giant dork that I am. Everyone kind of smiled sweetly and pretended that I hadn't just inappropriately announced in a meeting that I can see imaginary animals while I pee.

But later...."Michelle!!!" my boss yelled. She was calling me from the bathroom. "Come in here and show me where this damn polar bear is! cause now I HAVE to see it!!"

Ha! Gleefully I ran in and proudly pointed out the tile. "Look!! There it is! Can't you see it?"

"Hey. Yeah, I kinda do. Sort of. In an abstract way." Then she asked, "Um, how long do you hang out in the bathroom?"

Anyway, to clearly show my vision I went home and painted it. If I had a camera, I would totally take a picture of the tile to show you how completely obvious it is. Totally there.

I ran across this when going through old files. I have posted this before, but it still makes me snort coffee out my nose.This is the dialogue:

Rufus: "Lucy, Lucy! Check out my cool new sweater! I'm totally going to go hang out near that cute cocker spaniels house. Cause I look stuuuuudly in this, don't I? Don't I? Lucy?"

Lucy: BWWWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA.

More about Pee Pee Stupidhead, er I mean Rufus, in a later post.

Enjoy your day and remember, if you're not laughing, you're doing your job and not surfing the internet enough at work!

I love me some Oprah, I totally do. And lordee if you watched her Big Give last night, well the woman should be declared a saint if she has not already. I am already thinking about how I can give my money away once I make it. For reals. I LOVE her.

But I have to admit, I have a bone to pick with her. I have a problem with the Patron Saint of Awesomeness. Yesterday morning I woke up early. Before everyone else. Sophie woke up right after me and she was drawing next to me while I had my morning coffee on the couch. I decided that oh-my-gosh! Look!!! A MOMENT! Of PEACE and QUIET! These are kind of like Big Foot sightings in my house. You think you saw it, you almost got to experience it, then just as fast as it appeared 'POOF!' it is gone as quickly as a child can utter the phrase, "Can you help me with my social studies project? It is 30 sections long, needs to be printed front to back, have hand illustrations on every page and oh yeah, it's due TOMORROW."

So I got a little giddy. I admit. I went for the gusto. I snuck upstairs and saw that yes, The Dude was snoozing soundly. I quietly shut his door. I went and checked on Boyfriend. He was snoring up a storm and I know that unless he HAS to get up he is likely to sleep in until, oh I don't know, 2009. So I printed out a whole slew of pages for The Soph to color, got all her art stuff out, got her set up, made her breakfast, fed the dogs, took out the dogs and got a new cup of piping hot love, I mean coffee. I sat down on the couch not quite believing my luck. A MOMENT was here. I pulled out 'The Magazine' with reverence. It actually glowed as I picked it up and I could hear that magical heavenly music. I would actually be able to READ the articles, peruse them. Reread passages and THINK about them. Usually I get to skim them, perhaps read a WHOLE paragraph, and yes, normally it is the bathroom - the only alone time to be had. But here I was out in the daylight, coffee in hand, with my behind on a nice comfy COUCH. And not one person - child or adult - NEEDING me. I basked in it. But only for a second. This could end at any time.

But. Then. I read. And I read. And I read. And I realized a lot of things.

• I am not 'green' enough.
• I am not fashionable enough.
• I do not wear makeup right.
• I do not cook interesting meals. (ok, I knew this already, but STILL)
• I am not healthy enough.
• I am probably depressed and don't know it.
• I don't see my friends enough.
• I don't have the right underwear.
• I don't give enough.
• I am not compassionate enough.
• I don't invest my money enough and chances are I will die in a
hole because of my complete lack of preparedness.
• I don't volunteer enough.
• I certainly don't read enough.
• I don't make near enough money for ANYTHING on the that damn "O List."
(Dude, $248 for BOOTS, what planet do you think your readers LIVE on
Miss Oprah??? Planet "We ALL make ten gazillion dollars a year??!" Yeah, um try PayLess!)

So while I understand this is pretty much blasphemy, I am going to have to stop reading the "O" magazine. It just makes me realize how far I fall short of Miss O. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love her to death, I admire her like no other, I want to BE like her one day, and hell, if she ever does a show on 'Women Who Paint Silly and Whimsical Pet Portraits But Don't Make Them Enough Money to Live on So They Still Have to Work a Day Job,' I am SO GOING ON THAT SHOW. But right now, she is telling me I have too much work I need to do in my life. And I already tell myself that daily, and I had NO IDEA that I had all those OTHER problems and that apparently I NEED those totally cute and comfy alternative to the cowboy boot, boots for $248. So maybe one day when I am ready to work on ALL my other problems I didn't realize I even HAD, I will read Miss Oprah's magazine again. But right now I am cool with all my own insecurities I ALREADY have thankyouverymuch. And honestly, I kind of like myself a lot and I am pretty sure I am a pretty happy person on the whole. So I sure don't need any magazine adding to a fairly manageable list of insecurities.