So, lordee I think it has been almost a year since talks began with a company I have been working with on lots of prototypes for lots of products. Still can't talk about any of them, but I finished 5 more illustrations last night for the "big meeting" in September. None of this is a fast process and I knew that going into all of this a while back. I decided a long time ago what my long term goal was and that was one of the reasons I took this full time job in February. I knew I was going to have to be creating lots of art for very little or no up front money. I have stopped advertising for commissions, only taking them as they come in just to give myself the time needed to create the art for the lines we have decided to pitch.

I admit I have been getting very frustrated. The companies we are pitching to are huge, and not readily available. The meetings have already been pushed back several times, the economy factors in heavily and has caused us tom come up with other products that have a smaller price point in case we need to have something more economical to offer. I have been learning more and more little by little. I remember way back when, when I first met with this company that WOOHOO! THIS IS IT!!! Well, the excitement wears off as you realize that anything worth it takes hard work and TIME. I have spent many, many hours creating and will have (hopefully) have many ahead of me creating the rest of the lines if they decide to carry the products we created. And even then it does not mean money. It means lots of work and then getting it produced then getting it on the shelves whenever the stores decide to place it THEN waiting at least one fiscal quarter before knowing if the consumer even likes it. That alone is probably a year away, maybe less, but not much.

I have been working on my art, in this style for 6 years now. I have wanted to make my art commercially successful since the beginning. I smile when I think of how naive I was back in the beginning and thought there were actually such things as overnight successes. What I think there really is, is that moment in time when all your years of hard work, your dreams, your mistakes, failures, successes all finally come together because you never gave up. I have no idea when that time will be for me, but I try hard to think of all the successes I have had and continue to have as I work towards my goal. I try to live in the present as much as possible and allow myself to wallow in frustration from time to time when I just want to kick and scream and pout that what I can see so clearly in my head is just NOT happening fast enough.

Anyway, I pouted most of the weekend, then finally sat down Sunday night and worked on all the illustrations I promised would be done by the end of the weekend. And dammit, as frustrated as I get, and as much as I threaten to just quit and walk away ALL THE TIME lately, once finish my little characters I just smile that dumb smile and know that I can't quit because I would be doing all this anyway and it just makes me so damn happy in spite of myself. (I am not supposed to show you these, but since you don't know the context, I'm gonna anyhow.)